I didn’t want you to see me. The REAL me. Not just the morning hair, dark circles and messy house me. The me that had a messy past. The me that was not the perfect Christian. The me you might not like.
So I hid from you. I was afraid of any relationship beyond “How are you…I’m fine.”
I wore black, brown, and boring so you wouldn’t notice me.
It didn’t work. I wanted it to, but even black and boring is visible! So I worked out a plan of operation to show only the “pretty parts” of me. You know, the “good Christian girl” bits, wrapped up with a pretty bow without all the messy stuff from my past and present.
Living life with a script, I was an actress in the story of my own life. A lonely girl, then woman, who thought life would be safer hiding in the dark corners.
It wasn’t. It was painful. And joy-less.
Until the day I put on a pair of red shoes.
Noticeable red shoes. Shoes the Lord used to set the hidden me free.
Free to be ME. The real me. The one that was finally willing to put God on display through all the messy bits that He had transformed for His glory.
What a victory…except… it wasn’t a perfect happy-ever-after ending. Because later I hid the red shoes, and hid me for about eighteen months. I’d suffered an injury and was in a lot of physical pain. So I put on my black slippers and suffered in a dark corner, steadily losing hope for healing and for ever being useful to God again.
I gave up on April 6th of this year and told God I was done. Done with anything connected to sharing my life because I knew I was useless to Him.
On April 7th Debbie sent me an email. She had read a story I had written years before about my red shoes and how they had set me free. She was so moved by it she created a red shoe theme for the entire year for her women’s ministry. She wanted to thank me and let me know how the story was inspiring the women of her church.
First I cried. (Messy snot crying) Then I went to my closet, dug out my red shoes, and went to physical therapy. I told my therapist I was going to believe for my healing. Even though I was still in pain, and even though a walk through the grocery store would put me in bed for 2 days, with my red shoes on I was able to believe.
Debbie gave me my red shoes back.
And I began walking into healing and into the future God has for me. The future He has for the REAL me. Not some polished up version I put on display for you so you can think I’m better than I am. Because…
God wants to use every part of my life for his glory – not just the pretty parts.
Once and for all, I’m done hiding. I’m walking into a miraculous healing and I’m walking into the future God has for me willing to share all the good, bad, the painful, and the ugly to bring Him glory. I’m truly free to be me.
In my red shoes.
Why? Because…hear me on this one…
Red shoes are our courage shoes, girls.
They helped me stop in the middle of the Denver airport last weekend to pray for a woman I just met on the shuttle bus. (It was “Tebow-ing,” girl-style!) They helped me share my story with the women at Debbie’s church as the REAL me, not some polished up version of me. They are helping me write and trust that God can use my story to inspire others. They help me to have the courage to be visible with my faith and “sparkle” for Jesus.
Are you willing to make your faith visible too? Are you ready to stop hiding and be real?
It’s time for us girls—girls of all ages—to put on our red shoes and walk it out for Jesus!
Me, and the Girls Like Me from California are doing it!
Won’t you join us?
(That’s the amazing red-shoe Debbie!)
© Linda Crawford, Sunny Side Up (not scrambled), 2011. All rights reserved.